Essential Sustenance for Contemporary Aliveness
Why is the site icon a photo of a sunset even though there has never been a photo taken that does a sunset justice? Because I felt alive taking that photo. That's what this blog is about. Also, ignore the 'food' in the url. The sustenance I'm talking about has little to do with food and a lot to do with the things that feed our souls. The url was free.
His arms are
wrapped around me
lazily.
He’s been asleep
for hours
while
I’ve stared
into the dark.
I don’t mind
being awake
for this.
In fact,
I’m consciously
turning this
into a memory.
One I can
save
for later.
Just in case.
It’s his nose
touching my cheek.
It’s him
breathing me in
and him
letting out warm
air
against my face.
It’s being able
to feel
his heartbeat.
It’s all of these
things
that convince me
he’s real.
And if he’s
real,
maybe
I am too.
-EKJ
As the title seems to suggest, I’m not into sports. Well, watching them anyways (I don’t mind playing a game once in a while). To me, a football game is an indication that mankind hasn’t evolved nearly as far as we’d like to think. I tend to hope that humans have a lot more to offer than their physical attributes, and I certainly have never been inclined to spend any of my time watching a bunch of huge men get out onto a field, glorified for being able to knock each other over.
If I have to be completely honest here, I have never been able to understand someone who puts so much value into any sport. In my mind, whether a team does well or loses shouldn’t have an actual effect on a persons mood or life. Why should something that doesn’t need to bother you, bother you?
So, back to the title. What changed?
This weekend, my cutie pie boyfriend asked me to go down to The Lone Star State for his college reunion at Texas A&M. At first I wasn’t keen on going to the game. (I was wanting to go to Houston! My parents and sister are down there and despite the game I thought it would be a great opportunity to see them.) However, as new experiences usually allow for… my mind opened up to something I thought I hated.
I’m not saying that I’ll be following ESPN or anything. I found that I do understand people who follow ESPN a little better, though.
Students and alumni of A&M have so much pride for their school. When they are on that campus, and even later in life, being an Aggie seems to be part of their identity. The football game is a way for them to showoff their support for how much they like and appreciate their school. There are a ton of things that A&M is known to be good for, football is just something that everyone can easily get behind. It’s hard for the whole school to get together and cheer for an engineering program, but that doesn’t mean the school doesn’t have just as much pride for that. (This was just an observation. I’m not trying to say this is an absolute truth.)
This may seem silly, but I guess I never realized that the fans are supporting more than the team itself. The team stands as a symbol. When people are going out to the Ravens game, they are rooting on Baltimore as much as any individual player.
The reason that I like this, is that I think that the more a person is able to like and support the place they identify with, the more they are willing to help that place become better. If that starts with a fondness for a football team, so be it.
(Pictured: Me wearing maroon in support of cutie pie boyfriend who is wearing maroon in support of a team that represents a school he loves.)
Walking into a unknown place filled with unknown people sounds awful (no, my Myers-Briggs test results did not tell me that I was an extrovert). So, how is it that I came to be in a certain local brewery, Brew House No. 16, talking with other people from the neighborhood, making friends (potential friends but with a good outlook) and drinking a half-priced beer?
I did not walk up to a random table and hope for the best. I’m nowhere near brave enough for that.
I signed myself up for the event — A MeetUp Happy Hour
Doesn’t that just sound magical? A cozy room with $5 drafts and friendly faces also looking for friends? Count me in.
Making friends is hard. Well, I like to think that it’s hard for everyone at least. I signed up for MeetUp as a desperate attempt for any kind of social interaction. I needed to get out of my apartment. I needed to find a place where conversation was welcomed. I really needed a drink. And all of this was gifted to me by a website whose goal is to connect people with similar interests in similar areas.
I’m not going to down play how nervous I was about walking into a place where I didn’t know anyone, but it was very much one of those situations that was a lot easier once I started. Everyone was there to hang out and talk and get to know each other and the experience was definitely one that made my night better than it was going to be (not that there’s anything wrong with sitting at home to read a book or watch a whole season on Netflix). Plus I had the chance to check out a cool brewery that was right down the street from me. I think that’s something worth trying again.. And cheers-ing to!
Something terrible happened to me during my first class of the fall semester. Nothing extremely terrible… just something not good. And it happens in 1 out of every 4 classes taken on a college campus (this is just an estimate). I was asked to stand up in front of the class and give a fun fact.
Maybe it’s because I already know everything I could say about myself. Maybe it’s because every other person’s life is more interesting to me than my own. For whatever reason, every time I’m asked to tell strangers something cool about myself the only thing I can think of are the fun facts other people have given that were so much better than mine.
Next time, I want to be prepared. So tonight, I’m going to write out 22 facts about myself that are hopefully more fun than whatever it was that I blurted out in class today.
What this accomplished: me probably posting too much about myself online. Me still not knowing what to say as my fun fact in front of a bunch of strangers.
Pictured: Me with my favorite National Memorial.
Today, I spent a lot of time thinking about cellular communication. Our bodies are made up of trillions (yes, trillions) of individual cells (if you don’t believe me look it up). While it’s true that cells are specialized to perform certain functions for the body, all cells work towards one common goal: sustaining life. In order to accomplish this monumental task, messages are being sent and received all over your body through chemical and electrical forms. These messages are going from organ to organ, cell to cell, and even from a cell to itself.
Of course it makes sense that cells need to communicate. How else would they know what function needed to be performed? To break down a molecule or to form one? To transport a molecule when it’s needed? However, what I got stuck on was the part where cells often talk to themselves. A cell will release a chemical and then immediately re-uptake that same chemical and react on it.
At first I thought the whole idea of an individual cell communicating with itself was kind of weird, but then I started thinking that I could probably take a hint from this characteristic. (Sorry for the extra long intro. We have finally arrived at the topic I wanted to talk about.) If a cell has to talk to itself in order to sort out what needs to be done, I probably need to do the same thing.
I’m not talking about having a two sided, verbal conversation with myself on the bus. I’m talking about taking the time to go over information and communicating with myself when I need to. Sometimes I’ll begin thinking about an idea and I won’t have the time (or concentration) needed to give the thought the attention it deserves. Sometimes I know what I’m thinking but I don’t know why. Sometimes I think about something I want to do but I don’t put in any effort to do it. All of these ‘sometimes’ situations deserve to be talked out.
Imagine that, like a cell, I write out a message and send it to myself. I already know what the message says but when I reread the message, I’m reminded of why it’s important or what the point of it is or what kind of impact it might have on me.
Even this idea (the one I’m blogging about right now) started out as a scribble on my lecture notes. The thought was fleeting and I might have forgotten about it, except for the message I left myself in my notes. While this blog post might not be that important, I think the idea is and I’m glad I took the time to think about it.
Item 1 on my list of essentials:
-Thinking out all of my thoughts completely and preferably in the form of writing
(I also feel the need to mention that individual cells only release signal that is to be re-uptaken because the cell usually receives signals from the outside. If the cell releases chemical signal that is meant for itself, then it only needs one mechanism for signal reception instead of two. I was simply using the cell as inspiration.)
If You ask me if I need You
I’m going to say no
I’m capable of walking
these streets alone
and falling asleep
in the middle of the bed
and making this one
bedroom apartment home instead
of that big blue house
we could live in together
sharing our dreams and plans
and lives and forevers
You told me You loved me
I still think it’s true
but if a tomorrow comes
where that’s not enough for You
they’ll be plenty of reasons
I think You’ll want to stay
I know one of them won’t be
anything I say
out of a desperate attempt
to lock You down
to hold You close
or keep You around
not that I’d want You
to get up and leave
You’re holding all kinds
of parts of me
yes, if that tomorrow comes
I do hope it’s far away
though the truth
I’ve been trying to convey
is that I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
-EKJ
The essential sustenance for contemporary aliveness. What does that mean? Who am I and what qualifies me to talk about such things?And why would I want to spend my time blogging about it?
I think these questions would best be answered out of order, so if you wish, just try to follow along.
I’m a young adult living in a big city trying to figure out the things I most need to make a happy, fulfilling life in today’s world. If I’m being honest, which I usually am being, then I must reveal that I don’t think I have a whole lot of qualifications. I’m not always happy and I’m not always sure what it means to feel fulfilled. However, I am alive (maybe the most essential qualification) and I hope to continue wanting to be. When I moved to this big city I spent quite a lot of time ‘being’ here and not enough time ‘living’ here. This blog is about the things that help me make that transition.
As for the blog, I’m mostly writing it for myself. If you haven’t noticed, I like talking about myself and I have a lot of free time to do that. Writing, for me at least, tends to be a fun hobby that can sometimes illuminate what it is I’m really thinking and feeling. Recently though, I have decided that the human experience is not always a solo one. If I find something to be enjoyable and worth while I would be willing to bet (no, I’m not a gambler) that other people would find a similar joy. This blog is for sharing in the hopes that someone else will relate to me.
Finally, this is just a hobby. I’m not willing to spend the $4 to take ‘food’ out of my url and the best quality any photo I post will most likely be only as good as the iPhone camera gets. I think, overall, I would feel much more alive spending that $4 on literally anything else.
Essential Sustenance for Contemporary Aliveness 